Very Little Progress

Monday was just like a Sunday.  French people were all preparing for Tuesday's Bank Holiday [ie taking the day off].  I went all the way to Bergerac to get the sump cover put back on the car properly but the garage is taking un pont, ie the day between one day off and another becomes a 'bridge'.  Everyone's talking about Francois Hollande's victory and what it means for the Euro. Views ranged from the Euro falling to 1.30 to the £ to the total and utter collapse of the currency.  We'll see. I had a bonfire, just a small one because I'm fed up with them by now.  The old chap came to cut the grass which was knee-high.  The weather was quite warm but clouded over later.  I didn't really do much because I was 'thinking' about the landscaping.  Not a very productive day.  Good news though - the circus packed up the Big Top. Hooray!

Tuesday was wet, grey, gloomy.  Very quiet.  The second of 4, yes, 4, bank holidays in the month of May.  Some shops were open but not many.  There was a service at the war memorial as it's Victory in Europe Day.  [Most towns and villages have a street called 8 mai 1945].  The circus still hadn't moved on, although everything was packed away.  I fell asleep in the afternoon - obviously not used to all this physical work - which means that I missed the sunny part of the day.

Wednesday started gloomy and wet, for a change.  After a trip to the garage and the bank I returned home to find the weather was lovely and the circus were starting to move off.  It took them all day to leave the Poney Club and it involved a lot of tractors and noise because the large vehicles were bogged down - but at least they've gone.  The temperature got up to 28 in the afternoon so I tidied up some more of the garden and got really overheated.  The lesson of the day was 'If you throw stuff into a wheelbarrow inaccurately the entire thing will tip over and you'll have to start all over again'.  I wish I'd played more netball at school!

Thursday dawned bright and sunny and bought a bill from the digger man.  Deep breath and write cheque!  Waited until 3pm for anyone to turn up. Ian came for a couple of hours and did some useful work but nothing from Darren until 6.30 when he phoned to say that he had been at the hospital with his daughter all day and had to take her to Toulouse tomorrow and Saturday for tests.  Result = no micro station for me this week!  Some sad news from Polly.  Chris has been in Malawi all week having a good time- well, working really - but I can't Skype him, so I've got to make a decision about when Darren does the work [either when I'm there or when I return from UK].

Weather was in the 30s with the same forecast for tomorrow. From the ridiculous to the sublime!  Can't wait to get back to England and have a long, luxurious bath.

Election Weekend

Saturday good ole Darren turned up to sort out the soil pipes. I now have a working loo!!!!  This means that I can take the antkiller packets off the floor as I had left them there to remind me not to flush the loo.

I saw a notice for the circus, it's just Saturday, for one night only, that's not too bad.  It appears to be all horses, which explains the lack of tigers.  I had visions of having to defend myself against an enraged wild animal with just a pair of secateurs or similar.

Anyway, I went to the market, had a coffee, did some shopping then went out for lunch. More bonfire time in the afternoon. Got told off by the neighbour [not Mme B, the other one, Didier] because the JCB driver had churned up the grass at the side of the road and now Didier can't mow it. He's a bit anal but I pulled all the appropriate faces and shrugged a lot.

The circus boomed across the fields so I just sampled a local wine and tried to ignore it.  The noise went on til around 11.30 - not too bad.  The advertisements which had been put up had been more or less destroyed by the rain and there didn't seem to be many people there, which made me happy because that will mean they won't do it again.

Sunday was colder and raining on and off again.  Listened to the news on the radio.  Some pundits are saying Boris Johnson is the answer for the Conservatives - if that's the case, I'd just like to know what the question is!

As it was too miserable to do anything in the garden I took myself off to do some washing but couldn't get a parking space as the boulangerie next door was madly busy.  So I went for a coffee to mix with all the voters exiting the poll stations, it was quite a sociable occasion.  I was served a really overpriced, overstrong coffee at Le Globetrotter [that has to be said with a French accent by the way] which ensured that I wouldn't sleep for at least 24 hours.

After coffee, a return trip to the laundrette, which somehow managed to embed stains into the fabrics instead of removing them, and then home.   My relief at the relatively unobtrusive circus performance last night was completely dissipated by the noise coming from the tent all day.  Techno music until mid afternoon when, suddenly, it changed to Bob Marley which was a definite improvement.

The weather had improved somewhat so five hours of tidying up the garden followed by dinner, marred only by the discovery that one of the caravan cupboards is very damp.  I thought it was due to the slightly wet weather we've had but it could equally be due to a leaky shower.

And I've discovered a great lump of plastic is falling off the underneath of my car.  The garage tomorrow!

Annie's Ark

The circus seems to have settled in, although there have not been any performances yet and I haven't heard any roaring at night.  Despite the meteo, it rained during the night so I decided to finally plant the lavateria.  My arthritis is very bad at the moment, I think it's the continual cold and wet.  Everything takes a lot of effort and pain.  It was exceedly hard work and half way through the morning I thought I had got trench foot as my feet were slopping around in my soaking trainers.  I decided that sweating in my wellies was better than that. 

I saw this, didn't recognise it but thought it was rather nice

Jeremy continued to dig holes and play with his big machines.

Darren popped around to give me the cheque back as when I paid him last week, I had forgotten to sign it.  Felt really stupid.   While he was here as asked him about these pains in my legs.  As an ex-professional cricketer, he knows a lot about injuries.  He said that I really ought to rest it so I gave up the digging - but I had worked for 5 hours and got the plants in.  Yay!  The first positive thing that I've done in the garden - it's all been destruction and demolition up til now.

So after lunch I laid down for a couple of hours then stoked up the fire and tried to do some more clearing in the garden but a storm had blown up.  If anyone ever wants to know how to keep a bonfire going in a storm, it will probably be a chapter in my forthcoming book entitled 'Why I hate France'.

Jeremy tidied up and left, forgetting to replace the soil pipes.  So I still cannot flush the loo.

The rain just didn't soak into the ground - I guess it's too waterlogged. The wind was biting but the sun came out occasionally.  A funny old day.  A sunny evening and I was delighted to see 2 African Hoopoes playing in the garden for ages. 

One of the Hoopoes.

Birds like this garden and particularly at the moment, because a lot of the land has been turned over and there are countless big fat worms around.

Annie's Ark - I expect the circus will provide the animals.
I wonder how Noah managed without the Internet.

The antkiller's worked a treat so that's good.
Oh God, what I would give for a bath................

I am so tired I am not sure I can write this......

The morning didn't live up to the forecast, although it was quite pleasant. I felt quite optimistic [you know it's going to go wrong at this point].  I was up and doing things in the garden early.  Thought I'd better have another bonfire, haven't had one for days.  Got it going well and lobbed a few trees on it.  Jeremy was in his JCB - the new pecker has stopped working!  Darren passed by on his way to another job because there's not much he can do until the holes are dug.  I moved a lot of debris, watered the plants that are still waiting to be planted and then carried on moving rubbish around and generally tidying up.  

About 11.30 I went back into the caravan and realised we had no power.  I tracked the power cable and realised that the cable had been pulled out of the socket. Unfortunately, that was the final straw for the socket but I managed to find another one.

Once the power was reconnected, I was having major problems connecting with the internet and couldn't find the password so I tried to phone Chris but couldn't get through. I texted and in the end he managed to get through to my cell phone but reception is so shite here that we couldn't hear each other.  I did what I always do in times of stress I went to see Kevin and Judith and ask their advice.  Jeremy had gone to lunch by this time so I had to throw water over the fire to put it out [luckily we do seem to have plenty of water], I had to shower and went to their house to ask their advice but everything seemed all right there.  I went to our local town Ste Foy la Grande with a view to having something decent for lunch. Got some fruit and veg inside me for once.  I was in a better reception area and had a chat with Chris and then with Kate.  I tried to get through to Darren but couldn't.  Chris suggested that I check to see whether Jeremy had cut the telephone line as well.  Good idea I thought. 

It's very pretty for something that's 750 years old!

I made the most of the, now, summery weather 24C and took some photos of the town and the river then headed home around 2.30.  

The River was in full flow

Jeremy still wasn't back from lunch so I had a look at the telephone line and, lo and behold, it was snapped clean through.  OK so now I know what the problem is but don't know how to get it repaired.  Back to Kevin and Judith's to use their internet connection and Chris suggests that I ask Patrick the plumber/electrician.  He said he'd come and have a look.   I was pretty frazzled by now but things seemed to be working out so I was quite upbeat when I got home to be told that Jeremy had gone through the water main!  The hole for the micro station was now looking like a reasonably small and rather manky swimming pool.  Oh God!  Jeremy phoned the Town Hall [I don't know why, that's apparently what you do in times of crisis here] and we waited for an  hour or so for someone to turn up.  I lit another bonfire, out of habit and did some more clearing up. 

In the meantime Patrick turned up, sorted out the electricity and the phone line and when the water workers arrived, he got stuck in with them.

Lots of men deciding what to do.

  The pecker man arrived with the third pecker of the week.  A bigger one, isn't it funny how men alwas think bigger will be better.  I left them all to it and went to see Mme B to explain why she didn't have any water.  She was fine about it.  Patrick left without being paid.  I'm sure he'll be back some time.  I asked Jeremy to cover the telephone line with wood.  He said yes but he hasn't done it yet.  I asked him to replace the soil pipes so that I can flush the loo and he said he would do it tomorrow when everything has been tidied up.  I know that I should have insisted but I was too tired so still no loo in the caravan.  

The combination of some hard physical work and  the stress of everything has left me totally exhausted.  I dragged myself around the house to lock up, made a meal of cold ham and tomatoes [yuk!] and then I emailed Darren "Taken to drink!  Knock gently on caravan tomorrow morning." 

I had to wait for the fire to die down enough before I could go to bed.  But then the circus started playing music at around 10pm and I've lost all my earplugs...............

Work recommenced and stopped again

A bright morning, no wild animals in the garden and nothing appears to have been nicked.  A JCB appeared out of the morning mist like something out of The War of the Worlds.

I buggered off to the laundrette in the hope that clothes would end up slightly cleaner than they started [a forlorn hope as it turned out].  I also bought some ant killer which they tucked into with gusto.

By the time I returned there was Darren, Jeremy with the JCB and another guy with a digger with a 'pecker', which is supposed to smash the rocks at the bottom of the trench for the micro station.

One man and his pecker!

That broke so he went to get a bigger one.  There has been a lot of discussion about the possible need for dynamite, which is going to cost a helluva lot of money so we are hoping we won't need it.  I think it's that French thing where they want you to be very grateful so they imply it's all going to be worse than it is.  And then they finally do what you originally asked them to do and you're so relieved you think they're brilliant.

Discussing whether or not dynamite is needed.

Sadly, it was time to get rid of the prunus trees, which I love and which were just about to fruit, but which were in the way of the JCB.

Bye bye trees

Jeremy went home later this morning because he was unwell.  I went to buy a number 2 to put on our letter box.   Apparently a world shortage.  I ended up going into Bergerac and arrived just after midday so everything was shut.  I had two hours to kick my heels so I had a disgusting sandwich and cuppa at the garden centre and lusted over plants [prunus trees are 100 euros] until the shop was open and finally returned triumphant to stick my number 2 on our post box.

The pecker guy appears to have come back for a bit but he was definitely gone for good by the time I returned at 2.30.  So, to recap, the day started well but everyone buggered off by lunchtime and left me without a toilet.  A bit of weeding, a bit of gardening, a lot of clearing up. 

We have discovered a big attractive arch which was half-uncovered by the demolition.  A rethink of the plans is required.  That reminds me I asked the architect for an appointment 2 weeks ago and haven't heard back.  Still, we owe him money..........

Finally finished my twelfth doughnut, it was a bit of a challenge but I lived up to it. Now have to get through the night without a toilet - a bigger challenge.

The circus tent is now up, but it is right over the other side of the Poney Club which isn't too bad, but I'm still concerned about it.

I was just pouring a glass of local red when Chris Skyped.  How does he do that every bloody time?  Can he hear the cork from the other side of the planet.  But I did get an hour in the garden [ie building site] watching the sun go down through the bottom of a glass.

Public Holiday 1 mai and I really didn't see this coming

A night with no rain, creepily quiet.
The fridge seems to have got over its hissy fit yesterday.
I should have done a few jobs in the garden but wasn't in the mood.  I just got ready for Joris and Patricia to arrive as they had agreed to accompany me to the festivities in the village.
A repas dansant starting at 12.30pm.  I had warned Patricia that we had to se munir de son couvert ie bring your own stuff but when I checked with her it seemed that she thought that meant to bring your own cutlery but previous experience led me to believe that it meant cutlery, plates, glasses, napkins etc. so we packed everything just in case and headed off.  We arrived around 12.40 to find the outside deserted, everyone seated at their tables and ready to go.  Just 3 sad little empty places remained, each marked by a sad little plastic cup. There was a frosty atmosphere and our smiles were ignored, although our money was accepted!!  Luckily we had all the stuff and settled ourselves down.  The overall atmosphere was not welcoming at all. We had some nice neighbours although the man to my right seemed to have some sort of speech impediment.

Joris and I were the only non French people as far as I could tell and people commented on the fact that Patricia is of Parisienne origin.  She was definitely the youngest there, followed by Joris and then possibly by me.

Patricia and Joris watching the dancing

Most of the men had emulated Jackie Charlton, or is it Bobby?, or didn't have enough hair to worry about.  The Paso Doble was the dance de jour, along with something called the Madison, which all the ladies did in a line.  They were adorned in a range of knitted tops, hair pieces and false teeth and each serveuse was a dead ringer for Mrs Overall.  If the cultural reference of that escapes you, then sorry!  Suffice to say that I got hit on the head a couple of times by a shaky serving tray.

The band, the dancing girls and our table

Well the food and drink came fast and furious, toasts, omelette a l'aillet [omelette and garlic stems in equal measures], pork with orange, salade, cheese and copious red wine.  After the cheese course, we decided the heat of the room, the enticing sunshine outside and the dreadful music meant that we should beat a strategic retreat.  We went without dessert and coffee.

A singularly depressing experience. 

Now for the bit I really didn't see coming.
After settling myself back in the caravan and sitting down to write my blog, I was astonished to see a number of circus vehicles go up the road and turn into the Poney Club.  An animal vehicle, a dismantled big top and several other lorries and caravans.  I like being amongst people and enjoy having people around, but a circus...........      No circus has been advertised so I don't understand what's going on.  I bet it's not good news though.  The next field is full of wild animals and gypsies.

April showers, my a**e

Guess what?  Weather cold and very wet.  I find myself talking to the birds.  I've decided this can't go on.  I need to do something energetic so I launch myself into spring cleaning, then had a brainwave.  I wait til the rain eases off a bit then clean the windows and caravan outside.  All covered in mould - hardly surprising.  I only wash and don't rinse and I will let the rain rinse everything off.  I KNOW that there will be no more rain!!   Ha!  Fooled you, weather Gods.  Bastard weather Gods get their own back by recommencing the relentless downpour.  Still, at least the windows are clean.  I then clean all the venetian blinds, each little slat at a time.  Then clean anything else that doesn't move. 

The fridge appears to be on the blink.  Or perhaps it just thinks it's so cold that it doesn't need to bother. Not sure.  I brave the rain to go to the shops for cleaning stuff [twice as I forgot to get teatowels the first time and ours are all manky as hell!!].  I seem to drive sideways out of the garden but at least we get out both times.  I promise the car I will give it a much needed clean if it doesn't rain tomorrow.  I snort in derision at the thought of a sunny day and I imagine the car does too.  See, I'm even talking to the car now. 

Tomorrow is a public holiday so the shop was heaving but I got to have a bit of human contact with a man who wanted me to give blood and then turned me down flat once I told him I'd had malaria in the past.  But I did get a result, mini doughnuts pack of 8 with 50% extra free.  Twelve doughnuts to nibble while I sit in the caravan this evening.  Unfortunately they are filled with some sort of artificial gel which manages to curl my toes before it's even got to my oesophegus, so I'll have to cut that out before I eat them.

After 5 [doughnuts, that is, not the time of day] I gave up and decided to go for empty calories in the form of alcohol.  There was an hour when the rain stopped in the evening. I cleaned the car windows because I'd sort of promised and because I can hardly seen through them.  God, these caravan windows are clean!

By 10pm it hasn't rained for four hours, the silence in the caravan is eerie.  I've lost all sense of perspective of a world that isn't semi-submerged.  I am very happy that Kate spent the weekend in 30C in Cannes, but I wish she hadn't told me!

If it's raining tomorrow, I don't think I'll be able to stand it.

ps  Darren still hasn't built an Ark.  Very remiss of him, he could have made a lot of money this week.